I’m in a car and I’ve been shot. The car has a spongy suspension and a Scorpio air freshener that smells like Mexican hair products. Did I mention it’s in motion across a scabbed landscape headed for the sun. I feel every bump in my chest where bullet fragments bubble in blood. Unless the pink cartoon hand of salvation plucks me from the back seat and drops me into Tuesday afternoon before I took this job, I won’t be alive much longer. Sure, make jokes. I saved the child this time at least, it felt personal, I knew the family, and I found the women who stole the girl, and killed the man they called Baggage Handler. It must mean something else in Spanish. Without BH, the bad man at the wheel is off the grid. He’s taking me to where I’ll want to die. Someone has cranked the color wheel. Cabbage purple mountains crouch below a sky as red as Santa. Can I let myself go, or do I have to fight this thing? I hope you weren’t looking for advice. My title was more of a question. I dropped my bloody calling card in every fishbowl since the girl went hostage. She’s home with her mother now, but it was costly. I installed explosives inside a man while he was drugged. He begged me for more life when he came to. I thought I was giving him that. He must have meant more time. “We’re businessmen,” the kidnappers tell me. That makes the families customers, right?—and me a discount broker. What am I clinging to? More of this? The girl was taken on my watch. I got her back for zero, but I couldn’t come back alive and I’ll never collect. Good luck to her world.
Copyright © January 7, 2007 David Hodges
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8 comments
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January 7, 2007 at 8:57 pm
zaphodfreek
Brilliant.
I loved it.
Thanks, zaphodfreek. As you might expect, I respect your brevity.
–David
January 8, 2007 at 6:28 am
zaphodfreek
The less I write
the smaller the chance of me saying something stupid.
😀
That’s why I keep ’em short.
–David
January 8, 2007 at 5:40 pm
litlove
Very punchy, staccato sentences echo the sound of bullet shots. And yet what I take away from this one is the cinematic feel to it. Oddly sensual for so dark and violent a piece.
I’m glad we’re on the same team, litlove! Anybody who has seen it will recognize plot points from the Denzel Washington movie “Man on Fire.” About the sentences, which average seven words toward the end, I wanted them to measure one shallow breath each.
–David
January 8, 2007 at 10:28 pm
Jo
I saw that movie, there were figments of it running in my head when I read that but it didn’t click until I read your comments to litlove.
Man on Fire was what Denzel was born to do, too bad he had to die in the ending (I think a lot of those who haven’t watched the movie will hate you for revealing the ending).
Will movie scene references be a recurring theme? That’ll be a fun guessing game.
I didn’t reveal the ending. You did.
–David
January 8, 2007 at 11:56 pm
Kristy
I got the Man on Fire (which I loved) from the explosives bit. Poetry, David…
Thanks, Kristy. Maybe I’ve exorcised that awful idea by using it.
–David
January 9, 2007 at 9:09 am
Dave Hambidge
A bit too bleak for me, but I admire the tightness of the writing. Keep on keeping on. Dave
We’ve got flavors for every taste, Dave. Thank you for your visit and comment.
–David
January 9, 2007 at 3:34 pm
Mae Oakmont
WOW…very intense, but talented writing I must admit!!
Keep up the great blogs!
Resistance is futile. Thank you, Mae. I should say, you happen to have stopped by on a particularly intense day.
–David
January 28, 2007 at 11:24 pm
Fenton
..I’m just speechless.. What you conveyed in your writing really made me close my eyes and run my artistic brain!
Brilliant!
You are right. More than 299 words is a waste of resources.
Thank you, Fenton.
–David
Yeah, only when I ran through all the comments that I realized that I had watched the movie too, but the way you said it really twisted my mind.
Keep them up, Dave!