We’re having a lot of babies, not more than we can handle, but still, many, many babies. Last week we had six. Tuesday alone, we had three more babies. As the father, I contribute more to production than my wife, who can only comfortably work on one at a time, so surrogates are essential. Once, though, she had triplets, so that helped our numbers. We’re giving them a better life. They spend a few days with us to get their shots and catch their breath and then move out, to make their way in the world. While we have them, we get to enjoy their baby personalities. Each cry tuned to a different pitch, the music they make is like a bandsaw choir. The doctors made it clear to us this was our obligation, that every baby we didn’t have deprived the world of value. That sounded wrong so we checked with our families and everyone agreed. Customers place their orders with us when they find themselves short of babies. We let them choose from catalogs. Some model numbers are priced to move and every shipment comes with guarantees, very limited guarantees. We will take them back, is the guarantee. They don’t come back. They have it better wherever they go. Now, we’ve just received your order for a baby and we’re having a little problem. You’ve specified some characteristics we usually can’t provide. There is no workplace-ready model. It will be years before your baby can make an actual living. As for the rest, the average baby will bond to you by default and detach from your care on its own loose timetable; beyond that, very little is predictable. Regarding books on the subject, in our experience they raise more questions than they answer. Cleaning instructions are enclosed.

Copyright © May 7, 2007 David Hodges