His face was a rag with torn-out eyes that flickered blackly for his girls. The only visible male in a family of incandescent women, he had burned through his few years quickly, as if life were a thin joint mostly paper and one strong draw could drag the ember the whole length to his lips. He had held his breath ever since. It gave him the look of a man with a secret. Always a woman was with him: mother, sister, aunt, niece, wondering what it would take to make him happy. We’re friends, not family, my wife and I, come to pay our late respects, and some of the girls have gathered around the bedsides. Michael wears a jaunty hat and lies beneath a sheet and looks asleep. The women catch our eyes as we come in, then look away or at the floor, then back at us with pity, to see if in the interval we’ve understood or will need to be told. We’ve understood. We hug the ones we know, nod to those we don’t; no introductions tonight; this is not about us. The overhead lights come blazing on. Roxanne bursts in. We hear her first. “Why so dark? It’s like a morgue in here! Hi, Baby. Cheryl! Did you get caught in that traffic, honey? Horrible accident! Rubberneckers for miles. How’s Michael tonight? Did you bring him that hat? He’s so cute. What do the doctors say?” We look on helpless, helpless to interrupt. She takes his hand. Her chattering stops. She looks at us. She shrieks. “You could have told me!” she says, and lunges to embrace him, collapses sobbing and lets it all out, for all of us. We watch in silence and touch her lightly and quietly think of everything but him.
Copyright © May 12, 2007 David Hodges
8 comments
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May 12, 2007 at 7:51 pm
loricat
Wow. I’ve been gone for awhile, not having the mental space to read even 299 words with any respect…
…and bang! This is what you hit me with!
Complex, dark, sad. Thank the gods I have a glass of red wine here at the computer.
Cheers! Thank you, Loricat, and welcome back.
–David
May 13, 2007 at 5:08 am
litlove
You dare to go places that lesser writers couldn’t even contemplate. Courageous, stark, brutal, even, dark, but always, as ever, elegant and profoundly moving.
Thank you, Litlove.
–David
May 14, 2007 at 2:16 am
fox
From birth to death….
This one is breathtaking. I have never been there with the dead, not outside a funeral home, and the intimacy of this VSN both chills and inspires.
Thank you.
Thank you, Fox. I’m glad to have been able to bring you into the scene.
–David
May 14, 2007 at 6:23 am
wizzer
Ah, human behavior. Why didn’t someone stop her? Polite to let her talk? Or more polite to tell her?
The complexity of “always a woman was with him” – my mind wanders – what is the significance of this? does it matter? Thought provoking and moving.
Thanks, Wizzer. Why, indeed! Who knows how they’ll react when the unprecedented occurs?
–David
May 17, 2007 at 12:10 am
amethystlune
oooh. love this one. terrific scene… as if i was there witnessing the whole thing with you/the character/the narrator. i don’t think i would have said anything either. what can you say? exactly. she’ll find out….
thanks for sharing yet another great piece. oh, and thanks for the writing tips! 🙂
You’re very welcome, amethystlune. I should have offered one more tip: It’s OK to break your own rules.
–David
May 17, 2007 at 8:18 pm
Migs
I can’t help but comment already!
This is subdued and dark and mysterious, a story brilliantly realised without a 300th word. Thank you for sharing.
“…quietly think of everything but him.” – A poetic ending, preceded by the penultimate evoking of characters standing as mute witnesses.
Besides checking my e-mail I think I’ll know what to do now with idle time at the computer table. These are delicious very short novels, and I know my eyes this time won’t strain reading from a monitor.
Cheers!
Thank you, Migs. It didn’t take you long to become a commenter! I appreciate it.
–David
May 20, 2007 at 6:20 am
Andrew Goulding
I just happened to stumble upon the site and love the concept. A 1-paragraph-story is a little claustrophobic at first, there are definitely several paragraphs there…but I presume it’s intentional.
Michael’s Room?
It took several readings to get used to your style and the “drifting” away from the theme is disturbing, especially with only 300 words…but it does create an interesting atmosphere.
The first half seems to be about one person, the second half another, I guess it’s really 2 X 150 word stories. All in all, evocative but without resolution for me.
I look forward to reading some more.
ADG
Thank you, Andrew, and welcome! What you say about this story is entirely true. There are far too many characters and themes for one paragraph. I hope you’ll read enough Very Short Novels to let their particular rhythms get under your skin. If not, though, thank you sincerely for taking the time to leave thoughtful comments about this one!
–David
May 29, 2007 at 7:50 pm
David Schleicher
The opening lines are very vivid and full of wonderful description. I, too, enjoyed the last line…very poetic. Though you painted a nice picture of the commotion of women surrounding this room and Michael, it was hard for me to put a complete image to it as there were times when I thought Michael was an old man, and other times a young boy. I just couldn’t reconcile that confusion.
Sorry I lost you on that point, David, but gratified for the parts you did like. Thank you for your always-thoughtful comments.
–David