I look out over these rows of eager faces turned toward me with self-assurance, not one brow wrinkled, eyes bright with confidence in the rosy dawn of tomorrow’s inexhaustible sun and it reminds me of a joke. And that was it. Not a good joke, I grant you, unless you’re old and crabby, in which case it kills. Ask your parents. I remember what it was like (to remember what it was like) to be young and accelerated like you. We needed brakes. We thought we could do it all by steering. Instead, we got so far from one true path we can’t find our way back. Commencement speakers before the millennium scared us with warheads and spooks. That won’t work on you. Bombs are for board games. You live in the age of the unthinkable and you know it. It’s already commenced and you know it. We are targets and we live to be killed as symbols. Start running, graduates. You’ll either die of something unimaginable or, at age one hundred, still be stumbling through storms of ash, inoculated against final death, trailing the collective dread of your class and country. Our enemies have time to plan and nothing better to do. Think you can wage war on terror? You’re breathing it now. Soon you’ll be eating it. Imagine a species allergic to itself; that’s the future you enter when you move that tassel to the other side of the mortarboard. Suppose they unplug the grid, not for three hours, for the rest of your life. When all the lights go out—I mean all the lights!—will you even remember how to make flame, or will you start feeding on whatever raw thing happens your way? Of course, there’s always law school. Thank you for your time.
Copyright © July 03, 2007 David Hodges
11 comments
Comments feed for this article
July 4, 2007 at 5:00 am
nursemyra
scary. will nembutal be freely available soon? I’d prefer that to the inoculation against final death
Of course, nursemyra, there will be drugs for all.
–David
July 4, 2007 at 7:09 am
wizzer
Absolutely brilliant commentary on our times!
If they unplug the grid how will I get to read your stories?
That’s what worries me too, wizzer. Thanks.
–David
July 4, 2007 at 9:05 am
David Raho
Good one David. My end of the world scenario often involves lawyers, estate agents, accountants and the cockroaches that they ultimately evolve/mutate into. Watch out!
Oh, David, that’s bleak.
–David
July 4, 2007 at 11:41 pm
BillyWarhol
wow*
i loved that*
remindz me too of how lucky we are & how we take so many luxuries like electricity + food + hot + cold running water + beer fer granted*
😉
Yeah, Billy, never take the beer for granted.
–David
July 5, 2007 at 7:35 am
Crofty
Brilliant! I loved the line about ‘doing it all by steering’; it sums up the exuberant optimism of youth – and explains why motor insurance for the under twenty-fives is so damned expensive.
Thank you, Crofty.
–David
July 5, 2007 at 9:03 pm
whypaisley
excellent thought,, and writing.. i felt every word. loved it. and i believe it all to be true, as well…
Wow. Thank you, whypaisley.
–David
July 6, 2007 at 8:06 am
caveblogem
Lovely story, as usual, David.
During 1979 the late Senator Paul Tsongas gave commencement speeches at a dozen or more universities in New England with similarly bleak themes. He would warn graduates that they were going to “reap a harvest of tragedy” unless they changed their “lifestyle and attitudes towards consumption goods.” Couldn’t have made him very popular at these events, I suppose. But I think I would have liked that (and did like this) better than the forgettable speakers I had to sit through.
(There you are! I had to rescue you from the spam filter.) They should have known better when they invited Senator Tsongas. By the way, if invited, I will deliver this one free to any graduating class.
–David
July 6, 2007 at 1:08 pm
litlove
I love the complex temporality of this one, the way the apocalyptic end is prefigured in the beginning (commencement), and what starts out as a threat becomes destiny. It’s a terrible future that this speaker envisages to have already begun and it’s a beautiful example of rhetoric’s terrible power to seduce. That sly undercutting remark about law school finishes off the killing joke we’ve almost forgotten we’re being told.
And I love it when you get my jokes. Thank you, Litlove.
–David
July 6, 2007 at 2:01 pm
ndpthepoetress
Well said, well written my Friend! The truth at last put upon the skulls of scholars and all! Hopefully this will decompose new openings in their minds to realize the modernized technological world needs to also fossilize that of their ancestry rooted tools, whence fire was but a flame ignited by mere friction. Else, “worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, the worms play pinochle” on our culture clout. Bravo David, bravo!
Upon the skulls of scholars, you say! My goodness, Jeane Michelle. Thank you.
–David
July 7, 2007 at 5:17 pm
careysaysums
I never received such an honest speech at my commencement. It was more of a “go-get-’em” and “here’s your lucky penny” affair. I couldn’t wait to run out of there. Groovy post. -CareySaysUms
Thank you, Carey! I don’t remember anyone else calling my posts groovy, but I like the way it sounds.
–David
July 13, 2007 at 12:07 am
briseis
Remind me to not go to my graduation ceremony, if you’re speaking.
I’ll be in the crowd, cheering for you and weeping for the world.
I didn’t go to mine. I wonder what the speaker was like. Thanks, Briseis.
–David