What must it feel like to know you’re being operated on. Hear the happy surgeons chat about vacation homes while they stab and reach inside you. Just a few steps from the diner door, the first blow paralyzed me. I fought my body as it fell, but couldn’t make it move. Arms dead, legs dead, trunk as dead as lumber, I fell like a tree and felt my forehead break against the parking lot and rolled onto my back with one arm painfully jack-knifed behind me and could not move it, and could not move. The one with the bat came looking, for awareness, for an apology. He stared into my eyes. I couldn’t close them. I gave him that same level look he’d caught me giving him in the diner, while he bullied the waitress, the one I couldn’t help then either. Tell me again why I need this operation. The one without the bat came closer and stepped down hard on my curled fingers. Not such a tough guy, now, he told me. We heard the fingers snap. I didn’t flinch. My reticence insulted them. The waitress came out, judging from her accent, talking to someone else. Did she see me lying here in need? I heard their footsteps recede across the lot. I wondered if I would pass out. They kicked me then, to get a reaction, and each blow turned my head. I saw glimpses of the neighborhood, the signs in several languages. I saw the waitress getting into her boyfriend’s car, and cinders from the crumbling parking lot brought tears to my forever open eyes. They leaned in close and put the bat to my neck and delivered me my lesson. Unless you were born here, they told me, It’s none of your business.
Copyright © August 17, 2007 David Hodges
9 comments
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August 17, 2007 at 8:48 pm
whypaisley
wow!!! that was intense!!!! i could feel the thud of the bat… excellent!!!!
Thank you, Paisley.
–David
August 18, 2007 at 1:15 am
moonsun11
This webpage is wonderful. I will add your page to my blog…
Thank you, moonsun, and welcome to Very Short Novels.
–David
August 18, 2007 at 3:13 am
nursemyra
fuck! oops.. can I swear on your blog? that was a damn fine and freaky piece of writing.
I have rules, nursemyra, but you haven’t broken them yet. Thank you.
–David
August 18, 2007 at 3:36 am
litlove
Ouch! This one hurt! I was reading not so long ago about how impossible it is to evoke pain without describing the weapon that’s inflicting it. This is a perfect study in stitching together a series of observed details that speak of the threat of pain, the infliction of pain and the aftermath of pain. Very clever and – ow – disturbingly effective.
Thank you, Litlove. It gives me special pleasure to disprove theories, but I’ve probably only reinforced another, that the most effective villains, threats, love affairs, monsters and saviors are those that are hinted at or glimpsed, and for which the reader is primarily responsible to imagine.
–David
August 18, 2007 at 8:52 am
shyloh
Interesting and very strange ha. So many odd movies come to my mind ha.
Great one though.
Namaste’
Thank you, shyloh! It has a movie feel for me, too.
–David
August 18, 2007 at 11:09 am
Terry
That was electric from the first sentence to the last. You have an incredible talent there!
Thank you, Terry. You’ve become a regular visitor and commenter. I appreciate both.
–David
August 19, 2007 at 3:59 am
briseis
Everyone else has handled the compliments, leaving only the mention of how deeply disturbed I am now.
Thank you, Briseis. That could be taken as a compliment, too.
–David
August 21, 2007 at 11:50 am
grantman
this one is great.. I love it when the opening catches you off guard then you go for the punch and don’t let up…
grantman
Thanks, grantman. I figured this one only worked if it was relentless.
–David
September 9, 2007 at 2:22 am
wizzer
So graphic and intense – I was there. Such a typical reason for mindless violence – “none of your business”
Thanks, Wizzer.
–David