The humid summer heat was murderous. Every year one or two were killed in our town, cooked in their rooms. At our house on the avenue, a fan in the attic drew refreshment from the night through our open bedroom windows and pulled the hot air up the attic stairs. Or so Dad told us as we lay awake sweating while he did the door check. Boys’ room door: open. Little girls’ room, young boys’ room: open, open. Baby’s room: open. Girls’ room door: open. He stood briefly at the attic door as if enjoying a powerful draft, then went to bed. Parents’ room: closed. There was no refreshment at night, only darkness and the thumping of the fan. Now, a person with a light step on a night like this could inventory all the beds and never be noticed if he knew which floorboards creaked. I hadn’t made friends with the baby. He was too new. I carried him down the stairs to the front steps and sat with him and listened to the sluggish crickets. He didn’t do much. He looked as if he might never do much. Those of us who had come before him hadn’t done much. Mom and Dad are silly, aren’t they?, I asked him. Yes they are yes they are yes they are. What do they need another baby for?, I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know. I heard Mom shriek. I heard thumping and voices raised. I dashed inside to the foot of the stairs and saw her on the second floor, wobbly in her nightgown, clutching the handrail, her face as white as milk, and knew at once what I had done. I knew she would never regain her balance while her babies were out of their beds.
Copyright © January 15, 2008 David Hodges
11 comments
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January 15, 2008 at 11:23 am
wizzer
Oh wow, that could be a tragically jealous ending. I don’t really want to know. Brilliant setting.
Well, as you know, there’s no danger of my telling you. Thank you, wizzer.
–David
January 15, 2008 at 11:40 am
Narnie
I’m rushing right now but I just wanted to say that this is beautiful – the childish voice, the fatherly trick, the whole atmosphere is gorgeous.
Thank you so much, Narnie. Rushed or not, I couldn’t have asked for a kinder compliment. Welcome to Very Short Novels.
–David
January 15, 2008 at 11:48 am
grantman
the baby is fine; that little brother all grown up and now in Iraq often calls home when it gets real hot over there and reminds me of the night I almost gave Mom a heart attack and in his voice I think I hear him telling me he wants me to come get him again! nice
grantman
There are goosebumps all over that story, grantman. You go write that one now. I’ll visit you at http://timeagain.wordpress.com/2008/01/16/breath-stained-windows/ and read it. Deal?
–David
January 15, 2008 at 2:04 pm
wizzer
Great sequel Grantman
January 15, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Jillian
Wow. I’m new here and had a bit of a look around. This looks amazing and interesting to say only the very least.
I liked this story… had me on edge a little bit. I liked the voice and the style, very easy to read.
I’ll definitely read others and comment when inspired.
Great site and great idea!
Jillian, I don’t know if anybody else noticed, but your website is loquaciouslyverbose! The fact that you’d even consider reading my very brief stories is compliment enough. Thank you so much, and welcome to Very Short Novels.
–David
January 16, 2008 at 12:20 am
Michelle (artscapes)
You have an amazing gift for atmosphere that does not waste words and is intricately connected with the characters – or perhaps they are the atmosphere. I am a very visual person and I can see your stories.
Brilliant!
What a beautiful comment, Michelle! May I suggest this is a collaboration and your observation about character and atmosphere indicates a very attentive and active reader at work. Thank you, and welcome to Very Short Novels.
–David
January 16, 2008 at 9:04 am
findbotr
I know it took me long enough, but I’m making my way around. I’m glad I chose here for a part of the first rounds.
A feeling of dread filled me, a smile crossed my face, a horrid thought came to mind and a mothers instinct jumped up. You captured much in a very short piece and it’s appreciated by the comments left behind.
That’s quite a sequence of reactions, findbotr. You’re a very active reader. Thank you so much, and welcome to Very Short Novels!
–David
January 17, 2008 at 10:05 am
litlove
I’m still amazed by how much depth you get into these miniature character portraits. The extent of family dynamics that you manage to portray is astonishing, and I particularly like that final line about the mother.
Thank you so much, Litlove. Some day, just for fun, I’ll try to do A Death in the Family in 299 words. More people would read the book if it were shorter.
–David
January 17, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Paul White
That was exceptional, David. I grew up in a house with no AC and a large family – one room for the boys, one for the girls, one for the baby – and you captured that atmosphere perfectly. I thought I was eight years old again for a moment, and seeing my parents checking doors at night. Well done.
Wow. You really were there! Maybe you’d be willing to share some more of your memories for the next time I run dry on material? Thanks, Paul!
–David
January 18, 2008 at 9:33 pm
Jill Terry
I was immediately transported while reading this; to another era, inside the house of total strangers, as an invisible intruder witnessing intimate glimpses of their lives. I walked away with their nameless faces forever ingrained in my psyche, the musty scent of balmy rooms still lingering in my senses.
That’s good stuff, David.
You must know which floorboards creak, Jill. You didn’t wake a soul. Thank you for that beautiful appreciation.
–David
February 9, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Nanner
233 Rhoades?
That’s the Avenue I had in mind, yes. Thanks, Nanner!
–David