They looked married. In what they took for granted, the other riders saw they had been together forever. He read the map of the system posted by the door, tilting his head to follow the lines, and kept his balance with a hand on the pole. She clung to the same pole and looked at the knees of the regular riders. Their fingers touched. Without looking at her, he read her the names of the next four stops, landing metaphorically on the fourth stop with both feet. She looked almost at him and nodded and began to count. At the third stop, she said, Oh, Christopher! That’s very near the square! Well, he answered, If you want to, make it happen. And she was off the train just as the doors slid closed behind her. He clutched the rubber seam and, through the door, at her, in wide-eyed panic spoke clearly, Wait here! But had she heard him? And why had he not said, instead, which made more sense, Come to the next station! In two minutes he was off the train sweating in the stifling heat of a subway platform, watching a rat cross the tracks in his direction and disappear. If she hadn’t heard, she would arrive on the next train. If she had, and thought it wise to wait, it would frighten her if he were not on the return train; he should hurry back. But if she had seen the folly in his plan, he should trust her and wait. He wiped the stinging sweat from his eyes and looked for the rat. Not knowing where it had gone was unbearable. This could be worse, she thought. I can go or I can wait, and he will know I love and trust him either way.
Copyright © September 06, 2009 David Hodges
This work by davidbdale is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at davidbdale.wordpress.com.
9 comments
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September 7, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Dave Hambidge
I’ve read this 5 times to get a handle on the tale, the details you compact into 299 words is awesome; I stand in awe of your gift!
dave
Oh, good. For a moment there, I thought you were going to tell me it made no sense. Thank you, Dave. You give me incentive to do my best.
–David
September 7, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Crystal
This was very fun! I love the play on the usual dynamics of a relationship. The title, as well, says so much.
I think they’ll be OK, don’t you? They may have taken separate trains, but they seem to be on the same track. Thank you, Crystal, for continuing your streak of recent comments.
–David
September 8, 2009 at 11:24 pm
damyantig
I really love the last line.
Thanks, damyantig. It’s the meter, isn’t it?
–David
September 9, 2009 at 10:54 am
The Querulous Squirrel
This is always the dilemma of losing children while shopping in a store. Telling them to stay put, don’t wander, don’t talk to strangers, just wait until Mommy comes back and finds you, or make your way to the cashier for help. I tended towards the first in the short term, the second in the long term, though in child-time short and long term is different than ours. I think the rule of thumb would be stay put in the last place you were seen together for as long as you can stand it, at least an hour, otherwise in a city with a subway, you’ll be hopelessly lost to each other with all the trust in the world. With children you at least know to make up such plans in advance: stay put if we’re separated. Why don’t grown ups think to make up such rules. And this wouldn’t even be an issue if this story took place during an era of cell phones. What is this, the l950’s? Or did one of them forget to charge her phone, like I always do?
Thanks, Squirrel. I love your meditation on planning and kids. I’ve covered that theme myself in an earlier Very Short Novel, “One Step Back.” http://wp.me/p1JoF-2Y As for adults, I do sometimes make contingency rules for train trips like this one. If separated, meet at the destination station. Regarding the cell phone question, you’re not the first to ask. I think I’ll fix it with about four words. (Look for an edited version soon.) There’s no cell service in the subway, and when you’re afraid to miss a train, you can’t leave the station to place a call.
–David
September 9, 2009 at 9:38 pm
damyantig
Not sure why I like it, but I do. But I think it is the content more than the meter, or perhaps because they are married together so well.
I don’t think I’ll ever make a good critic.
By good critic I imagine you mean a critic who broadens the work rather than narrows it, who improves the original by sharing an informed appreciation. We’ve never had many of those. Thanks, damyantig.
–David
September 12, 2009 at 7:34 pm
litlove
This sounds like something I lived through once. Although it wasn’t quite this way – the details have changed.😉 The anguish of separation, however, tastes always the same.
What you say is so true, Litlove. I’ve been on this train too. It’s not the other we doubt, it’s ourselves and what we might have done better. Wonderful to see you here again!
–David
September 15, 2009 at 11:32 pm
Rick.
In 299 words, Sir, that was stunning. Here i am lamenting my inability to write letters in 120 words, when there are guys writing full, intricate AND glorious novels in 299 words. You inspire me, Sir.
Consider me a new fan.
Rick.
Aw. I’ll bet you say that to all the 299-word novelists. Thank you, Rick and welcome to Very Short Novels. You have earned the right to roundly criticize everything I do from now on.
(If you want an automatic link back, provide your URL when you comment and your name becomes the link.)
–David
September 23, 2009 at 10:38 pm
Manz
Wish I had the words to express my true reaction to this! I’m sure there are many couples who can relate to the short story.
Hey, Manz! I know you! It’s wonderful to see you here. I’m glad the story, well, made you speechless I guess is what it did. That’s fine. Silence from critics is not always a bad thing. Welcome to Very Short Novels!
–David
September 29, 2009 at 7:44 pm
grantman
..can relate this one Dave, but only metaphorically..when married for a long time people often find themselves on the same train and going in the same direction, but the stops represent destinations both shared and unshared..and like the dilemma this couple faces, choosing the destination is never really a problem…leaving together is! Nice ..I like it.
grantman
That’s very clever, grantman. I wouldn’t be surprised to find a similar meditation back at your own blog, where I and everyone else will now go looking. Smart stuff.
–David