—Nevertheless you did kill him?
—I was present at his death.
—Present with a knife.
—Mine was not the only hand on that knife.
—You left the young men below?
—As we often had before.
—And took your son up the mountain alone?
—As was our custom.
—Did you meet anyone?
—Nobody you would see.
—You exhaust me.
—And yet you keep questioning.
—Your boy carried the wood?
—My son was not a boy.
—Did your son know what the wood was for?
—Yes, and the knife.
—Why would he carry them?
—He had always done so.
—He trusted you.
—He believed in sacrifice.
—But you had brought no offering.
—I was summoned to the mountain with my son.
—You bound his hands and feet?
—I helped him bind himself.
—I find that hard to believe.
—Nevertheless, I was too old to overpower him.
—I see. Exactly how old are you?
—You wouldn’t believe that either.
—Once he was bound, you cut him.
—First we prayed.
—Of course.
—I heard his confession.
—Of course you did.
—He had doubts.
—He had doubts?
—Or so he confessed to me.
—But by then you had bound him.
—In keeping with the covenant.
—Nevertheless you did kill him?
—I was present at his death.
—Your son was bound. You held the knife.
—His rightful father guided my hand.
—How many fathers did he have?
—
—You exhaust me.
—You burned the body afterward?
—As we always have.
—On wood your son had carried?
—Yes.
—And came down the mountain alone.
—I did.
—And yet you expect to father nations.
—It has been promised.
—In keeping with the covenant.
—Yes.
—An old man with an old wife whose son has died.
—I don’t ask you to believe.
—Are you sorry?
—I regret my weakness.
Copyright © October 13, 2009 David Hodges
This work by davidbdale is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at davidbdale.wordpress.com.
7 comments
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October 13, 2009 at 7:56 pm
The Querulous Squirrel
The “What If?” and moment-to-moment thought processes of one of the craziest, most inscrutable stories in the Bible. Well done.
Thanks, QS. The inscrutability explains the story’s power to engage our continued interest, I think. That and the outrageousness.
–David
October 14, 2009 at 6:13 pm
resilientwillow
Well this was a lucky surprise. Who knew that I would land on your blog while looking up vorts viljandi. Amazing writing and yes, you are right, anything more is waste. Succinct, poignant, with a swift kick in the gut, I look forward to more.
Wow. That’s uncanny. You mean the Vorts Viljandi whose name appears in “If on a Winter’s Night a Traveler,” right? It’s a favorite of mine, and one I’ve commented about recently on another blog. Either you found me through that thread, or Calvino stitched me into his novel with another pseudonym. Thank you for your kindness, and Welcome to Very Short Novels!
–David
October 22, 2009 at 10:29 pm
Roberta
It seems as though I found you through the thread….and, yes, Calvino is one of my favorites now that I have permission to laugh. I was working way too hard to grind that book into literary bread. Got caught up in Deconstruction and New Criticism (and I think that is the yin and yang of the book as well as reader and writer, death and life, revolutionaries and counterrevolutionaries, productive writers and, well, you know. You read the book.) Anyway, I like the concept of Very Short Novels. I find it hard to speak over three minutes on any one subject; so , this might be something for me to try. I do like the minimalism of Kawabata and Ishiguro. So much is said in the spaces between thoughts. Will still try the 50,000word novel through NaNoWriMo again this year. It makes for a tense but exciting Nov. I look forward to more of your writing……….
Say what you will about your reticence, Roberta; I find you unusually wordy compared to other commenters here. You must be gearing up for the National Novel Writing Month by now, so I will leave you to your word count with a vote of confidence. Maybe if you get stuck for an idea, you’ll come here and find a concentrate you can dilute. I’d love to read a longer version of “Killer Ending,” to name just one.
–David
October 16, 2009 at 11:51 am
briseis
I’m glad that you consider alternative endings, but I think the original story was much cheerier. You’re not being a teensy bit exploitative, are you?
(Also, beautiful. You astound me.)
Exploitative, you bet, and not just a teensy bit! Regarding its cheeriness, I find the original utterly ghastly. As a literary foreshadowing of Calvary, it’s effective, I grant, but blood sacrifice to expiate guilt is no basis for any religion I can embrace. Cheery for me is that you find what I do beautiful if exploitative and stop by to let me know, briseis! Wonderful day!
–David
October 22, 2009 at 3:19 pm
famousinchicago
I’ve been reading through your blog for the past couple days, and I wanted to let you know I really enjoy flash fiction and I think yours is brilliant. I love writers who can get a lot across with just a few words. After all, it only takes one brilliant turn of phrase to convey an emotion, an experience, a setting, or even an entire theme. You do all of that quite well.
I decided to start a weekly ‘pimp other people’s awesome writing blogs’ type thing on my blog and I made yours my inaugural pimp. I hope you don’t mind!
Flattering as all that is, famousinchicago, I have yet to be able to access your blog, which wordpress reports you have deleted. Pity. I would love to have been pimped. Thanks for the kind words.
–David
November 29, 2009 at 3:29 am
JK
I recently found your blog and I find it somewhat addictive. The hard part is properly giving each story time to unfold before going on to the next one. Each one is a bit like pandora’s box. Once you can find a way to open it a lot seems to pour out. I really enjoy the alternate take on something I’ve heard since I was a kid in Sunday school.
Thanks, JK. Of course, I’m flattered by both your impulse to move quickly to the next and your wish to savor the one you’re with. There’s no properly about it, I guess. Race through them all is as good as give each one a week. I find I’m surprised when I go back to find what I’ve layered into the earlier stories I’ve almost forgotten, so I suppose anybody else could profitably return to them as well. Come often, stay late, and Welcome to Very Short Novels.
–David
November 30, 2009 at 8:48 am
Robert
Hey, David. Loved your take on this. Lots of great reads on here. Having said that, I’d like to know if you’ll give me your “blessing” to adapt “An Offering” to a screenplay and make a short film of it. Planning to take my first stab at film-making and I think this would be a great starting point story wise.
Let me know what you think. Regards, Robert M.
You didn’t really say “stab,” did you, Robert? Sure, I’m happy to let you have a go at making this one visual (I presume you mean as an interview, not a re-enactment on the mountain). I don’t want to be responsible for any losses you might incur, so we’re clear on that. Tell playwrights I’ve been wanting to collaborate on a staging of an evening’s worth of Very Short Plays from this collection as well. Welcome to Very Short Novels!
–David