We hired a double for Bob so that the Bob the world required could be places Bob could not be. We oversucceeded. Immediately, Bob was a fraud. He was not intrinsically as entertaining as his double, and while he was older by a day, and then a year, and eventually the father of himself, the doubles could always be Bob. The first—plucked from a stingy neighborhood and handed fame—quickly adapted to luxury and instantly felt cheated that his real talents were rented out to Bob. We found another, and another, and the public never went without its Bob. This meant shielding Bob from cameras and outbidding the tabloids for the occasional candid. To Bob, it meant trading a global persona for an unimaginably diverse but cramped private life most men would envy for a weekend but not for a lifetime. Nothing was too expensive, but he could only have what he could order in. We tried to nudge the market, but product Bob was a paradigm that any change, even improvement, diminished. Enhanced Bobs made promoters itchy and were at any rate ruled a breach of contract by the judge who specified what in future would constitute the Bob experience. Fans knew, I always have to remind myself, that what they were investing in was an image of a Bob. Theirs are the motives I can’t comprehend. Needless to say, the Bobs could not meet. The one night Bob and a Bob double shared my limo, I had to excuse myself and ride with the driver, though I’m not sure the double knew who sat beside him. By then, Bob was a different man, almost literally, doing 200 nights a year as Woody, of whom he was a presentable facsimile, and who had been dead for decades.
This work by davidbdale is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at davidbdale.wordpress.com.
9 comments
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January 14, 2010 at 10:53 am
Annika
You were right, I did enjoy this!
Now you know you can trust me, Annika! Welcome to Very Short Novels.
–David
January 14, 2010 at 10:56 pm
grantman
…okay..Why did we hire the second Bob in the first place? What a hoot Dave.. You got me I’m thinking of the eighties movie Multiplicity!! Good job at muddying the waters. Something you do so well!!
Grantman
Thanks, Grantman. Are you familiar with Bob Dylan’s advice not to create anything because it will never change? Got me thinking. Glad you enjoyed the ensuing confusion.
–David
January 15, 2010 at 2:02 am
petesmama
I love this on so many levels! Off to read it again.
Thank you petesmama. I certainly wrote it more than once!
–David
January 18, 2010 at 12:30 am
David H. Schleicher
This was very funny…especially where we find the one Bob hasn’t been Bob for years! This made me think of both What About Bob….and Killer Bob from Twin Peaks…which turned into a horrifying and hilarious juxtaposition.
Thanks, David. I’m not surprised you’d find references to two films reading this, considering your passion for the medium. I’ve just returned from your Best and Worst of the Decade choices, many of which should be good for an argument! Have fun with that, and best wishes for the new year to you.
–David
January 21, 2010 at 11:17 am
rllqph
i hate bob! grr! ^_^
Bob’s OK.
–David
January 21, 2010 at 11:19 am
rllqph
hi david. it’s been a while.
care to take a look at this? i’ll bug you even more later when i’m half-way through this novel. this 299 words is the best. ^^
(also, can you add me in your blogroll? put me in the rolling blogroll first. hehe)
http://rllqph.wordpress.com/2010/01/22/codespica-expedition-1/
It has been awhile, Raymond! I’ve just read you mini-saga of the girl who controls her spaceship with her mind but can’t control her feelings for her Captain. It has a wonderful sense of humor, for all its tragic details. Yes, I will add you to the rolling blogroll. Let’s see what happens after that.
–David
January 25, 2010 at 2:09 am
rllqph
thanks David! (and also for the correction– wow!)
August 22, 2010 at 9:02 am
Annelisa
Your stories are as wonderful as ever, David.
Just popped in for a pick-me-up and found it! 🙂
(Changing to a new blogs soon, so I might visit in a different guise)
Keep the words flowing…they are always food for thought!
Annelisa! Your unexpected return gave me a sudden enjoyable flush of goosebumps! Thank you. My face looks something like this 🙂
–David
September 10, 2010 at 2:22 pm
Michael
This is one of my favorite ones you’ve written (then again, I say that after every one I read). As the previous commentor stated, it is reminiscient of Multiplicity. Off to re-read haha.