Grammar and my own impatience landed me in jail. If I had only turned the page, I would have seen my healthy ex-fiancee smiling for the camera on the day of her promotion, very much alive in the finance section. Instead, I took a single appearance of the past perfect progressive tense in the article about her to mean that she had died, and imagined the rest—my complicity in her early demise, the inevitable investigation, my imminent arrest. “Had been receiving treatment” for an undisclosed but life-threatening ailment, the story had said on its first page. That was enough to send me out of the café and into the night, hailing a cab and heading uptown to her parents’ home, where I’d always been welcome. I might as well have gone to the police. “I just heard about Christine,” I told them at the door. They seemed perplexed but let me in and sat me down with coffee. I’d never stopped loving their daughter, I told them, even after things between us had turned cordial. I’d thought that herbal meant safe, I said, that dosages were recommendations, and that if ancient cultures had used a substance for generations to improve relations, it surely should work for us. They only stared in disbelief and let me blather on. She’d never known what she was taking, I told them. And only after she had left me had I discovered the powder I’d been putting in her smoothies was probably killing her liver. Christine’s father left the room to make a call while her mother pretended to console me. Shortly after, I was read my rights, which turn out not to be much use when you’ve already confessed, even if nobody died, or should I say, if nobody “had been dying.”
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Based on a work at davidbdale.wordpress.com.
6 comments
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February 27, 2010 at 11:14 pm
Jared
Why would he tell her parents that he was unintentionally killing her? Wouldn’t he realize that, even if she weren’t dead, that this was probably not the best way to go about things? I did like the story. The first line was amusing and ambiguous enough to draw the reader into the story.
I agree with you, Jared. I don’t believe anyone with his wits about him would do such a thing. The parents must have been just as mystified. The cops too. And nobody but the narrator would blame the grammar. Thanks. I won’t welcome you to Very Short Novels. Something tells me you’ve been here before!
–David
February 28, 2010 at 3:53 pm
The Querulous Squirrel
Sentenced by grammar. Good one.
Good one, yourself, Querulous! (I’ve often wondered if prisoners serving multiple sentences simultaneously were actually serving a paragraph.) Thank you as always for getting me.
–David
February 28, 2010 at 9:27 pm
briseis
I love this! It’s delightful. It’s playful enough, and as much as I adore the first sentence, it’s the final thought that is the gem of the story. Marvelous as always, my dear David.
My dear briseis, thank you so very much. With thousands of others by others, this is my entry in the NPR 3 minute fiction contest, round three, written in response to a visual prompt, the photo of an open newspaper left behind on a cafe table. The rules limited entries to 600 words, which I thought quite verbose. Wish me luck. Results are weeks away.
–David
February 28, 2010 at 10:37 pm
grantman
I liked it too.. guilt is such a strong force and for the weak of heart even stronger…quote the raven..nevermore!!! Best of luck on your entry..
grantman
Thanks, grantman! I should have called her Lenore.
–David
March 5, 2010 at 12:09 pm
litlove
This is a cracker – good luck for the competition! Trust you to do it in almost half the word count… I rather like the way the narrator searches for his ex-fiancee in every hook and turn of the sentence, fearing the worst as a matter of course, her absence having created a host of stories ready written in his mind. The outrageous in your stories is always balanced by something achingly real.
Thank you, Litlove, that’s a wonderful comment. I do feel for all the poor souls I torment so. What you say rings true for me, that any news he’d have received of her would have fit some scenario he’d pre-written. Just his back luck it was this one. It’s always delightful to see you here.
–David
August 8, 2010 at 8:33 pm
bill
I am glad that Future Tom has turned me on to your blog. I will be adding you to my daily reading.
I’m glad too, Bill, and glad that you keep coming back and leaving me comments to let me know you’re enjoying yourself. Thanks again!
–David