I bought the newspaper out of pity before I boarded the local. It felt thin, and looked like nothing new. I swiped my card near the fare box and at the same time watched myself do so on a monitor showing me from behind, shot by the camera above the door. Other cameras grabbed me from other angles and built a composite that would have been recognizable to anyone who knew me. I took my seat opposite a fidgety man with very big hair parted awkwardly. Monitors throughout the car showed other passengers taking their seats on this train and others, and sports stars being interviewed about off-the-field infractions, and luxury items, and frivolous foods. One showed my wife getting off a Number 7 train with overflowing shopping bags, in surveillance grays, from her good side. Predictions in the paper were dire. Apparently pension payments to municipal workers were causing a budget shortfall; the clear remedy was that they should give them up. The nation’s youngest fashion designer, age 8, was asked about her influences. On the next page, looking fidgety even in his photograph, the man with big hair was interviewed about losing his job to reverse discrimination. The poor sap, he looked it. I would have fired him too. I stared at him until he moved and watched him fade on the monitors. My own story, however, was not accurate. The picture of me getting off a train had been retouched, I believe, to make me look forlorn. The details of the stock transactions had me placing bets no sane investor would ever have risked; the whole thing lacked credibility. The hat I wore, for instance, did not look right for senior management, but I knew where I could buy one. I got off one stop early.
This work by davidbdale is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at davidbdale.wordpress.com.
20 comments
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December 28, 2010 at 5:16 pm
chosenrebel
Ahhh, the future, or is it today, where Big Brother’s camera’s gives everyone their 15 minutes of fame at the price of their privacy.
Yeah, it feels like today. Thanks, CR, and Happy New Year.
–David
December 29, 2010 at 9:04 am
Nourhan Ibrahim
The summary of this story is in the end, when the writer focuses on wearing an old hat; this is like trivial news, or the writer sees something else!
The writer has a lot on his mind, but you’re right, Nora, the narrator decidedly focuses on the smallest part of his story. Thanks for your comment. Your English is getting better all the time.
–David
January 5, 2011 at 4:25 pm
lolarusa
This one is like a poem. It captures a reality of what it feels like to live now, seeing glimpses of ourselves that may or may not match our own idea of who we are.
Thank you, lolarusa. It’s probably mostly our own fault for projecting so many splintered images of ourselves.
–David
January 6, 2011 at 3:58 am
petesmama
“I got off one stop early.” Sometimes it feels like that is the only thing you can do to stop things going so absurdly quickly. We all just need to take a step back.
Stopped by mostly to wish you and 299 words a very productive, blessed and exciting New Year. Thank you for the hours of mental trips, poetic inspiration and reading pleasure. If you’re ever in my neck of the woods (Uganda) it would be an honour to share the comforts of my grass-thatched hut with you.
Happy New Year.
Petesmama, if I’m ever even close to Uganda, I will make a detour to meet you. Thank you for years of lovely, thoughtful comments and unflagging support.
–David
February 2, 2011 at 10:43 am
cranelegs
david, i think this was your humble, quiet entry into a contest i’ve run across on the internet in which one must use the word “forlorn” in a short novel of precisely 299 words.
and what a stroke of luck the rules are what they are, given your rather skilled hand at such matters.
if you don’t win it, then it’s rigged is all i can say. best of luck and let us know the outcome.
oh and thanks for another thoughtful piece!
Dear Bob, Thank you. You are quite right about the contest of course and yes, I do feel lucky. I am simultaneously entered in contests to use the words “forlorn,” “serendipitous,” “squeamish,” and, oddly, “blueberry pie,” all in stories of 299 words. I hope the administrators of the various contests don’t discover I’m placing multiple entries.
–David
February 5, 2011 at 1:12 am
Damyanti
So vivid.
I’m doing a series of picture-prompt based posts on my blog, sort of pointless pieces of fiction, written fast, for practice, and I can imagine the kind of craft that goes into yours, vis-a-vis my pieces,where no thought or craft goes in at all 🙂
February 10, 2011 at 1:34 pm
grantman
David.. if all the world knew of each other were those little snapshots taken from the eyes in the sky, how different and cold this world would be…When I see video of someone sticking up a fast food place or seven eleven from the overhead cameras, I think of what I must look like sitting waiting for a light to change… For sure we are all more than just snapshots from hidden cameras, but at times, it sure doesn’t feel that way! This post shows how cold and impersonal the world truly can be…
grantman
Hey, grantman, great to see you again! You just made me look over my shoulder. I don’t think I’m on camera, but, . . . . then again . . . . glad to know you’re feeling the creepiness too.
–David
February 17, 2011 at 1:36 pm
writeshortlivelong
There is something chilling about Big Brother and trains. I love your use of trains in fiction. There’s such meaning in the stopping from station to station.
Now that you mention it, there are quite a few, aren’t there? The mother separated from her son by a closing train door, the couple similarly separated, the train that disappears into the snow and separates a father from his daughter . . . why do trains mean separation at Very Short Novels? Master’s thesis, anyone?
–David
February 17, 2011 at 2:10 pm
ceridwynne
Clever… It made me laugh. Was it supposed to?
They all make me laugh. Welcome to Very Short Novels.
–David
March 4, 2011 at 3:56 pm
Taru
Is the word “local” often used as an abbreviation for local train?
Yes, it is. What a specific question!
–David
April 10, 2011 at 12:16 pm
sibi
No secrets any more! Truth shall set us free in this age of technology!!
June 5, 2011 at 2:04 pm
varun
its nice the way you told the story….every one comes through every time but never noticed…grate.
June 9, 2011 at 9:48 pm
The Querulous Squirrel
Oh, the visuals in this one are SOOO GOOD! Everything from the contrast between the Big Hair and the 8 year old designer; the shots of people and objects from different angles; the argument over whether reality is depicted accurately or not. This is quite brilliant. Even for you.
July 27, 2011 at 2:27 am
jonathanfigaro
I wonder, why did you pick up the newspaper out of pity? Are these stories made from YOUR true experiences? or imagination?
October 17, 2011 at 6:14 am
Wizzer
Hey David, how are you, remember me?
I couldn’t tell you what’s been happening to me since I was last here – not in 200 words!!
What’s really weird is the subject of the story and the “who’s looking at you” theme and why I picked that story to make a comeback. I see it’s sometime ago that you wrote this – I truly hope all is well.
Regards
Wizzer
October 17, 2011 at 6:16 am
Wizzer
As useless as ever! My finger obviously hit the “0” instead of the “9” resulting in 200 instead of 299. Sorry
November 2, 2012 at 3:20 pm
SAMY
daily good if god willing
January 5, 2014 at 7:41 am
Anonymous
May I know your last name?
January 5, 2014 at 12:59 pm
davidbdale
I’m David Hodges
August 10, 2014 at 3:49 pm
Paul Worthington
Very well written piece. You sure have a knack for getting right to the meat of the story.
Paul
Thank you, Paul. It appears to be my only skill.
—David