Michael’s face was red. “OK, then, gun to your head,” he demanded, “what’s the best Christmas movie?” Though his tone suggested he might actually have put something to my head, he hadn’t. Well, first, I told him, with a gun to my head I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on movies; second, the category’s too broad: Christmas comedy? Christmas love story? Is Die Hard a Christmas movie for taking place on Christmas? “Completely irrelevant,” he said. “Best is best. But anyway, it’s a trick question. They all suck because they all lie.” I knew better than to take the bait but I told him anyway that all movies lie. “Well, I know actors wear makeup and play make-believe,” he told me, “but they do that to tell a truth; Christmas movies lie to lie.” He put his mug down hard as if he wanted to tenderize the coaster. Glasses clinked down the bar. He’d been pounding me the same way since we sat down, which was common, but his red face was not. He cared about this. I watched his eyes and waited. A string of lights twinkled behind his head. “You think Santa Claus is universal,” he told me,“and that finding out he’s your parents is a primal disillusionment. That’s Hollywood bullshit. Kids have dads who bring out guns on Christmas Eve and put them to their children’s heads one by one,” he said. That can’t be right, I told him. “One by one and pulled the trigger,” he told me, “year in and year out, and made them wonder if one year there’d be bullets. Why have I never seen that in a movie?” I waited until he was finished. Why are you telling me this, Michael? I asked him. What the hell are you telling me?
This work by davidbdale is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at davidbdale.wordpress.com.
12 comments
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December 31, 2012 at 4:16 am
Mark Gallagher
Thanks for this holiday surprise, David. Maybe I shouldn’t have read it right before bed. I hope we’ll see more very short novels in the new year.
I hope so too, Mark. (None so far, but stay tuned.)
–David
December 31, 2012 at 9:38 am
grantman
He lives to play roulette! Happy Holidays; though I doubt after creating this your head was in a very festive mood! I know, no link to the real world.But one wonders how far we are at times from slay bells jingling to bullets jangling in our pockets as an accepted festive holiday metaphor!
Grantman
“Slay bells.” Cute. Good to see you again, Grantman. Happy New Year.
–David
January 7, 2013 at 1:07 pm
fshiner
I really enjoyed this man. If you’re interested, I too have recently set up a wordpress blog involving short stories and general musings. I would love to hear your thoughts, if you would be as kind as to give it a bit of a read!
Thanks, Fionn
Blog: http://fshiner.wordpress.com/
I’ll check it out, Fionn. Thanks for the tip.
–David
January 15, 2013 at 5:58 am
fshiner
Cheers man, keep up the good work!
January 24, 2013 at 11:33 am
NyNy
Nice story! Actually after reading your story, I wonder if you would be interested to uploading it to ReadWave.com? At ReadWave, You can build up an audience around your story by starting small writing short stories now and allowing your readers to download and share with others. If you are aiming to be an author, novelist or writer, this is a great way to start to market your stories online. You’ll enjoy it and may even get some inspiration! So please check out the site: http://readwave.com or reply back to me!
February 22, 2013 at 7:28 pm
chosenrebel
Sounds like Michael had an evil and sadistic father. Is that what Michael was telling him?
April 28, 2013 at 4:25 pm
OmbudsBen
Tough call on the best flick, but best movie santa is easy–the merry Claus entering a 1960 Manhattan bar in The Apartment and ordering a double because “my sleigh is double parked!” ho ho ho.
November 5, 2013 at 7:58 pm
chosenrebel
The abuses of childhood haunt the adult man or woman. Like oil stains on the driveway, they are nearly impossible to erase. Have a better year David.
January 9, 2014 at 7:39 am
Anonymous
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October 2, 2014 at 10:33 pm
Anonymous
what is the story all about?
December 10, 2014 at 5:06 am
Oriem Abraham Berhe
can someone tell me what is this about
January 13, 2015 at 2:27 am
Jess Villasana
A long time ago I came across Christmas Roulette and hastily printed it out to have with me. I’ve been rereading this story for years and today I finally looked up your website. These two dudes feel so goddamn alive to me, and their backstory vibrates through the wall of the narrative like loud music coming from next door. And you made this whole world in 300 words? Witchcraft. Fuck you – you’re amazing! I love you!
And I love you too, Jess Villasana.
–David