Cars as far as anyone could see ahead and as far behind. This was to be expected, a tax for driving. Three or four snuck through on green when the signals changed but only to the next stalled stack, never to open road. Although we had all driven here deliberately, nobody wanted to be in this place long enough to look at it. We wanted it behind us. With clear highway ahead we might have felt less vagrant, but stuck on hot black asphalt between a service station and a comically cheerful liquor store at the intersection of who can remember and please don’t remind me, we couldn’t pretend we were headed anywhere. The car to my right was so close I could hear the driver grinding her teeth. The driver to my left was spinning his steering wheel pointlessly back and forth. We sat through two light changes without moving. I had spent a small dog’s lifetime trying to follow a metaphorical map, rushing without looking through years as forsaken as this crossroads. Now, sitting here in a sealed container which, because it wasn’t moving, had become my world, I was gagging on my own spent breath. A driver pulled into the intersection with nowhere to go and shut his engine off. His one car going nowhere by choice amid hundreds of cars going nowhere out of necessity seemed thrilling and defiant. Otherwise people get killed, I thought, when drivers with tempers feel trapped and blame other drivers. I shed my seat belt and pulled myself up through the moon roof. Standing on the seat with my shoulders, head, and chest released from the car, I squinted toward my destination and tried to picture myself happy there, climbed out, left the engine idling, and walked away from it all.
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6 comments
Comments feed for this article
February 15, 2015 at 9:04 am
grantman
…reminded me at first of that long line of traffic I get in on my way south to the beach every summer… but then realized with your writing, this piece is neither about car jams or waiting in line! Good to see you writing again..
Geo
Thanks, grantman. It’s great to see you here again too.
—David
February 22, 2015 at 6:45 am
Shakti Ghosal
Hi David,
Great to see you back!
Loved the visualisation exercise you resorted to when stuck in that jam. But how many out there are willing to count up to three and then choose a mind cooling response when the amygdala hijack seems as tempting as the forbidden fruit had been to Eve!
Shakti
Very few, Shakti. It’s a good thing nobody had a gun. Maybe you can help me solve a mystery. Almost have of my readers come from the Philippines, and another substantial segment from India. How do you suppose that happened to a blog from the US?
–David
April 17, 2015 at 3:02 am
Petesmama
I did a bit of that, while you were away. I pulled myself out of the car and walked away from life, as it were. I quit a big job just after a promotion and everyone thought I was crazy.
It amazes me how accurately you’ve captured what I felt at the time.
Gosh, it makes me so happy you’ve written again!
April 19, 2015 at 2:28 am
Mufeeda
i really liked …thank you Davido
August 9, 2016 at 11:08 am
eric
Well done, reminds me of all the traffic jams throughout the years
November 30, 2018 at 2:25 pm
marvel212
I can not help but to wonder if you go back to the “car.” Of course I don’t mean the car itself, but rather whatever it is that was so breathtaking yet unbearable that you had to escape it. Don’t we always go back to the car?