This precious house—my house!—this room, these walls, this bed, are all familiar, but I’m not. I’m the stranger who makes everyone uncomfortable. Three months in the hospital and a precisely but savagely excised brain have tweaked my personality the way a potion tweaked Jeckyll into Hyde. I’m clothed in the same skin as my healthy former self and fit the same clothes, but I’m no fit for this place, my house, not yet. I eat, I breathe, digest, pass food, none of them without help, none without humiliation. Whatever I used to be proud of, . . . . My wife resembles her photos by the bed except in the eyes, which used to say For better! and which now wonder, Could this get worse? But she’s the same. My children too. They enter the room like scolded pets and finger the bedclothes and stare at the muted TV, not at their dad. They tell me what I want to hear: I’ve turned them into liars. Except for giving in, or giving up, there’s no remedy for outliving an illness. But Melissa didn’t know me as I was. She sees what is. She knows just what to make of clients like me and forgives me. The intimacies she performs are out of reach for those who have always loved me, services that would break their hearts. The genius of Melissa is to make my care appear like washing the dishes. She doesn’t love me, I think, except in that way that good souls think pain is noble and rage is prayer, which is to say, she loves the trouble I’m taking to get back to my self. And with her help, if I survive, I’ll own this house again and be the parent and husband I was.
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Behind the Pseudonym
The pen name David B Dale honors my parents Beatrice and Dale.
David+B+Dale = davidbdale
3 comments
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July 21, 2016 at 9:33 am
grantman
Welcome back.. it’s been too long… The piece is scary for anyone who has had a stroke or a long term illness that changed them into someone no one else recognizes.
Thanks, grantman. You’re right; it’s been too long. This piece was commissioned by a home health care provider. I think it appropriately credits the value of the caregiver without undue sentiment.
—David
August 12, 2017 at 11:03 am
Annelisa
Hey, David. I hope you’re well.
Annelisa here. I’m now in all sorts of other places than on my old blog, Words that Flow (I have a new blog, because I couldn’t get the old one to work when they changed the themes, and couldn’t update mine without it looking dreadful… left it as a monument to past times 🙂 ), but I keep thinking of your incredible 299 word stories, and came to see if you’re still around. I loved this one. So moving. As your stories always have been. I wonder if you’re on other social media now? Have you compiled all your stories into books yet? I hope so. They should be read. If you connect with me on Twitter ( @alpha_annelisa) I’ll happily give you shout outs! I’d love to hear from you. You can also find me on my new blog Script Alchemy (just add a dot com 😉 )
Take care.
November 30, 2018 at 12:53 pm
marvel212
Mr. Hodges. I wonder if you have abandoned this site. I want to read some more of your work. Can I find your work somewhere else?