Dearly beloved and others, it is with heavy hearts we gather today to mourn my passing. Mine, perhaps, is heaviest of all. I know the current fashion is to celebrate the life of the departed, but in life I was not fashionable and on milestone occasions, my familiars will tell you, I favored sad songs and theatrical postures. Mourning is ancient, dramatic and healthy, and the sooner we get started the better. We have each of us suffered a devastating loss, each a different loss, for I was father, husband, brother, son (this is not saying much), cousin, grandson, nephew (we could go on, I guess), a felon, an adulterer, an unnamed co-conspirator, the boss from hell and the author of a will that will infuriate everyone it names—it’s tiresome, really. A complete list would take all night and require depositions. What made the dead man indispensable were not the roles he played, I played, but the intensity—call it passion if you will, no—the veiled ruthlessness he brought to personal encounters, whether with family or creditors or other men’s wives, including every female member of the choir that will sing here tonight. I loved you all, I can tell you now, and not just for your voices. But oh, how those glorious voices complemented mine. Between man and woman an urgent something comes to be which must be fed and petted or it will flee and leave behind oblivion. For me and each of you that thing sang harmony. Whether I was more to you or less than you now know, to me you were indispensably soprano, second soprano, alto, contralto. I may not long be mourned, but today my voice, unheard, by arrangement, will now be briefly missed. On four. One, two . . .
Copyright © December 26, 2006 David Hodges
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December 26, 2006 at 5:02 pm
timethief
I have also written my own eulogy and left very specific directions about how I want my life to be remembered, as opposed to having my demise commemorated.
Sheesh, in my case I’ve been so irrepressible and irreverent that my nearest and dearest would wonder aloud “What veil? She dropped all seven at a moment’s notice!” *rotflmao*
I loved it! Reading your stories is frequently the high point in my day. Thanks David – you shine. 🙂
As your comments often are in mine! Thank you, timethief!
–David
December 26, 2006 at 5:03 pm
timethief
Damn. No ability to edit the mistakes in comment boxes is so very frustrating. 😦
I caught and corrected those I saw.
–David
December 27, 2006 at 3:13 pm
qazse
fun to read as always – interesting angle – is this partially based on a character you know or a composite?
He does seem to contain too many attributes, like most people worth knowing. The whole thing came together when I gave in and combined two stories that demanded to share a single title. Thanks, qazse.
–David
December 28, 2006 at 2:16 pm
patricia
Damn, this is bloody good – “the boss from hell and the author of a will that will infuriate everyone it names” made me laugh out loud.
How I wish I could write like that! Damn and blast you.
Are you tryting to get these gems published? I sincerely hope so. I envision a lovely small hard-bound cloth book, delicate endpapers and a charming small black and white illustration at the beginning of each delicious tale.
It is high praise to be damned and blasted by one so talented! Thank you, Patricia. If only you were a publisher.
–David
December 29, 2006 at 1:00 am
Lola Rogers
This is great fun. “including every female member of the choir…” Delightful. Thanks.
Glad you liked it, Lola.
–David
December 30, 2006 at 11:43 am
litlove
Wonderful! When the moment comes, I can see I shall have to persuade you to write my eulogy, David. Camus says no man can stand the absence of judgement, and if ever there was a dynamic portrait of the judging eye of God, this must be it.
Litlove, I hope that by the time you and I are forced by circumstance to end our correspondences, I’ll have expressed my many appreciations well enough that a brief sampling will be worthy to send you off. But, stay awhile, please.
–David
January 1, 2007 at 10:49 am
David Raho
It is strange I was thinking about writing mine but I thought it might bring my creditors out of the woodwork or worried calls from my life insurance company. My stalker might also get worried and renew her attentions.
I liked the bit about the choir I thought you were writing mine for a moment (smile). My new years resolution is to avoid groups and return to serial monogamy – despite the obvious attractions of the former. Like most resolutions I expect it will be forgotten by February.
Well done!
Thanks, David. Regarding your own eulogy, it’s good to have one in your back pocket, but don’t publish early. Regarding your resolution, I would avoid any pledge that involves less sex. Thanks for commenting early and often: that’s one resoution we should all keep.
–David
January 5, 2007 at 6:09 am
Annelisa
I may not be enamoured by his character and obvious ‘imperfections’ [or traits if you like to look at this way -and maybe have some of them yourself 😀 ], but they unfold beautifully throughout the narrative. At the beginning, I was feeling sorry for him (and a bit miffed with you for doing another dying one at this time of year! 🙂 ), but as his story unfolded, it became more of a natural closing, and one which I wasn’t so unhappy to happen… A goodbye.
Another masterpiece, David!
Thank you, annelisa. They die when I tell them to die.
–David
January 8, 2007 at 11:31 pm
sarah flanigan
funny and charming and i’d expect nothing less, david. it inspires me to try my own hand at this but i’m not sure i could carry it off as you have. well done.
sarah
Thank you, sarah. If you do write your own eulogy, remember to save it for an appropriate occasion.
–David
January 13, 2007 at 5:13 pm
Annelisa
😀 Just as well someone’s got control of these characters’ destinies!
Anyone who hasn’t been there yet should hurry immediately to Words That Flow for your moving tribute to your own dear Dad.
–David