When we were dating, I thought it would end when we got married. I thought I could solve the secret of his unhappiness. Then we got married and it didn’t end. When we had our baby and it didn’t end, I knew it would never end but I didn’t leave. We’re still like kids in love. It wasn’t every day, and he could be so kind and nurse me back. I hadn’t thought of it like that until I said it, like he was the mommy and I was a crying baby and my world ended right there in his eyes. I didn’t so much decide to stay as not decide how to leave but the time was never right. A man will never understand the importance of the right time. It was stupid of me, of course, waiting, caring how he would feel. I was stupid about everything, wasn’t I, a worthless fat animal cow crawling the kitchen floor, good for one thing only and not much good at that and if that wasn’t the secret of his unhappiness I never knew a thing and because I stayed and didn’t leave and didn’t kill him, our baby learned about family. It wasn’t because of anything that changed, the day we left. We raised our eyes and saw the door open, saw the dogwood tree in bloom, and out we went and caught a bus like going to the zoo, not that we’ve ever been. I hope we never see him again. I’m not sure we wouldn’t go back. My baby is complicated. He pitied me for staying. For taking him from his home he resents me. His unhappiness I understand. What I don’t understand is the look he gives me when I tell him how Daddy loved me.
Copyright © February 8, 2007 David Hodges
Very Short Novels 
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February 8, 2007 at 9:31 am
red dirt girl
Trapped…….I understand this emotion………children see it in black and white. We judge our parents for their choices (or lack of) My sister and I still do it………even though we now know better…….that gray is the color of relationships………and staying has its own meaning – thousands actually if we tried to sit down and write them all down. A poet once told me that all love was dysfunctional………I told him that love itself was pure; it is us, the humans, that are dysfunctional. I prefer to view love as a wild buck, running alongside us, shimmering amongst the trees – in view, out of view – hope for something better………even though I know I will never catch it, much less tame it………………
I thought I’d let that steep for a while, red dirt girl, before I clouded it with my reply. I still don’t know what to say.
–David
February 8, 2007 at 11:46 am
jaterry
Heartsick and speechless is where you’ve left me today.
I don’t know how that can be good, but, thank you, Jill, for telling me.
–David
February 12, 2007 at 7:01 pm
Annelisa
Now, I’m thinking that this story almost definately runs alongside ‘Happiness for all’ and looks like there’s two others in the ‘series’ (aha, is this you cheating, writing different stories from all the angles, though when one steps back, it’s all one story? 🙂
From this one, I get the trapped, unhappy feeling of the girl in the house in the orchard. I guess I should’ve read it first, but I’m stubbornly going to work backwards, [even though they’re even numbered! 🙂 ], because the stories should stand up on their own…
I hope they do stand on their own and that, when you finish, it doesn’t feel like a cheat.
–David
March 20, 2007 at 2:16 am
Polaris
I read this and remembered Laura Brown in The Hours. She fled her home too, under somewhat different circumstances. And I also thought of how many finely crafted VSN’s I need to catch up with.
Thank you, Polaris. I haven’t read The Hours, but I would if you recommended it. And thank you for the new acronym. I had to look twice to realize you meant Very Short Novels.
–David
David, I liked The Hours and recommend it. A good book, and a poignant film as well. David Hare wrote a tight script, and Streep, Kidman and Moore were up to the task. It had among the best ensemble casts assembled for a film in recent years.
January 28, 2023 at 11:43 am
Caroline
This was lovely to reaad
January 28, 2023 at 1:37 pm
davidbdale
Lovely?