So, this is the ocean, I thought. The poets call it everything but what it is, poison from here to the horizon. My girlfriends in their candy colored bikinis ran ahead to the pier. They knew better than to be around me. How does it take rain and make it bitter, and why are we not angry, I asked the little crab who burrowed back into the wet sand as often as I unearthed him. Which is it, crab? Do you panic in the sun, or do I interrupt something like pleasure for you when I pull you out? My girlfriends were back with their ice creams; worse, they’d met a boy—boys! The crab had gone too deep. I saw only their bottoms from where I crouched, digging in up to my elbow. This one the boys will find irresistible. She’ll fight them off or let them play or pick the one she wants. This one will have to work for a living. This one just wants to be friends. The land at least grows crops and holds up buildings, whereas this soft sand gently yields and leads us on, until we’re in over our heads and the sea can suck us down. The boardwalk is all the sand can support, a porch to play on, a lure for the young, its underside lapped by the spray. Of course they’ve picked out one for me. This is how it begins: build or bury, sink or swim, choose what’s offered. I frighten him. I ask his name and he says something. I force his hand into my pants. This is mine, I tell him. Do you understand? He does. He says he does, but nobody does. We’re all thirsty, the water sparkles, and most of the world is salt.
This work by davidbdale is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at davidbdale.wordpress.com.
14 comments
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February 13, 2010 at 1:44 pm
briseis
This is, to me, creepy as fuck. No less beautiful for that fact, but it is—for something that seems so relatively innocent—one of the more disturbing things I’ve read from you.
And that’s saying a lot, I hear you saying. Thank you, Briseis, I thought this one was particularly something. Now I know it’s creepy. Happy Valentine’s Day!
–David
February 13, 2010 at 2:43 pm
lll
Oh. This. So it is dangerous. You’ve conjured up some very provocative images.
I want to think that it’s about a homosexual teenage boy but…then again, I could be wrong. The voice seems too mature & sophisticated for someone that age.
I particularly liked—
“How does it take rain and make it bitter, and why are we not angry…”
and the observations about the girls—
“This one will have to work for a living.”
How cruel, David! 🙂
I could tell you the age and gender of the narrator, lll, and probably should have, but I’d rather leave that for others to decide. Thanks for coming through so promptly with a comment. I really appreciate it.
–David
February 13, 2010 at 3:36 pm
raincoaster
Did I write that? 299 words? Nah, I haven’t got the attention span.
Beautifully creepy.
Thank you, Lorraine. You’re the authority on creepy, Did you make it all the way through in one read, or come back for installments? 🙂
–David
February 18, 2010 at 10:38 am
petesmama
Now that this story is officially creepy, is it okay for me to say I relate to some of the (homosexual teen boy?) narrator’s thoughts?!
Nothing wrong with that at all, petesmama! 🙂 I will definitely disavow the gay teen boy theory, but anything you have in common with the narrator is fine by me. She’s smart and cynical and precocious: sound like you?
–David
February 18, 2010 at 11:35 am
grantman
Hey, this is a snap shot of an old man, cranky his life is at its end sitting in a chair by the beach bemoaning all that got him to this stage in his life. The girlfriends are nurses who have better things to do than listen to him…the idea that he is fascinated with the crabs seems only befitting and proper….the idea that it is sink or swim for him makes the piece very sad,,,but oh too real…..
grantman
That’s fun, grantman. I love the way you theorize. It’s what makes you a natural storyteller, the way you speculate from the details. I have to disavow the cranky old guy theory at least for me, but since I never made the narrator’s identity clear, I will suffer whatever comes from my sloppiness.
–David
February 20, 2010 at 2:16 pm
mazzz_in_Leeds
It went a little over my head, but creep me out it most certainly did!
That’s funny coming from a writer whose latest character holds sway over a monstrous, furry, 100-eyed companion. Thanks for your visit and comment, Mazzz.
–David
February 21, 2010 at 8:10 am
Marisa Birns
Well, I am missing the “creepy” part of this story.
I just see a young girl who is thinking about life, its offerings, and choices.
So do I, Marisa. Not an ordinary girl, nor a timid one, but one that I think should exist. And now she does. Thank you.
–David
February 21, 2010 at 11:35 am
Jared
I didn’t think there was anything creepy about this. What was, the hands down the pants? I thought that was rather funny. I also liked the choice to describe the girls through the crabs. At least I think that’s what you did.
Thanks, Jared. I, of course, don’t care if it’s creepy or not, as long as it’s something and leaves nobody unaffected. I thought it clear the narrator was making predictions by reading girls’ bottoms, but maybe I have no perspective at all on how I’m read. Good to see you here again. I will visit your fridayflash too, and leave a comment there. Welcome back to Very Short Novels!
–David
February 21, 2010 at 5:58 pm
Clive Martyn
Interesting piece 🙂 took three readings to get a full understanding but I didn’t mind as it was quite poetic and for 299 words it certainly packed in alot of thought.
Thank you, Clive. That’s generous. I hope I’ll always come out on the plus side of those calculations. Welcome to Very Short Novels.
–David
February 22, 2010 at 7:27 am
Cathy Olliffe
Your story is just beautifully written and SO interesting… but I have also been just as interested in the comments on this one… everyone with their different theories… Funny thing, it was creepy at first.. not knowing clearly what was going on… but when Marisa called the narrator a girl, it suddenly wasn’t creepy at all… interesting and beautiful but not creepy.
Huh.
Thank you, Cathy. I understand exactly what you mean. The same thought attributed to several different people can be creepy, appropriate, even beautiful respectively. Granted, writing as a young girl is nothing I have any business doing, but fiction isn’t about doing what we should. Welcome to Very Short Novels and thanks again.
–David
February 22, 2010 at 1:43 pm
The Querulous Squirrel
I thought this read like a poem, reflections of a teen-aged girl. It’s quite beautiful really, punctuated by the last line.
Thank you, qs! You have wonderful critical instincts, for my stuff at least. Uncharacteristically, I borrowed a line from Sylvia Plath’s “Berck-Plage”: “This is the sea, then….” The rest of her poem is wicked and wickedly good, I think, though relentless and morbid. It features colorful sherbets, which became candy-colored bikinis here. You’d probably find other parallels if you cared to look. I was also reading A. Alvarez’s The Savage God about suicide, with a foreword about Plath, so the deeply disaffected female reflections, even thoughts of being sucked under by the sea, are part of a more poetic treatment than I would ordinarily pay a beach scene. Make sense? Thanks so much for your comment.
–David
March 4, 2010 at 3:39 pm
anhinga
OK I have read this 2-l/2 times. It was creepy first read when I pictured a gay teen boy. Second read, seeing the narrator as a teen girl it came together differently. The l/2? Had to read again the part about putting the hand in her pants. “This is mine.” I am blown away by the maturity and strength of that remark. Thanks for working our brains. 🙂
In case you can’t guess, I feel wonderful hearing that you don’t quit after a single read, anhinga, that you think what I’ve written is worth puzzling over instead of giving up on. Thank you very much.
–David
August 10, 2010 at 1:41 am
Gclub
i really liked the choice to describe the girls through the crabs and your ideas is so interesting please keep writing i look forward to your next story.
Well, thank you, Gclub, and Welcome to Very Short Novels! I don’t think you could stop me from writing. Nobody else has.
–David
August 10, 2010 at 12:41 pm
Bill V
The question about whether the crab panics or if it is seeking pleasure is interesting. Maybe this could open up a new population to treat for anxiety disorders: the traumatized crab!!!
Surely you recall that Carnation Evaporated Milk was said to come from “contented cows.” Thanks, Bill. I’ll start counting on you to ask the questions nobody else asks!
–David