On the roof of our apartment building my son waited for his father to arrive so he could jump. Meanwhile I, the attending parent, persuaded the police chief not to upset, by storming the roof, what balance our child still clung to at the edge of a forty foot drop. Everyone wanted a show. Gawkers the patrolmen kept back on the pavement. Ladder trucks the fire chief held out of view. At such a height the boy was incongruous beaming against the placid sky in his badly stained t-shirt erratically pacing and suddenly very important. Not my arms, my voice, nothing could reach him. He wouldn’t see me. Has he been depressed? the negotiator asked me. It’s laundry day, I explained. They have it on tape. Talk to him, the police chief told me. Tell him you love him. Is that the right thing? I asked. The father arrived in a ridiculous car with a girl of course and talking into his phone. What the hell have you done? he asked me. The girl couldn’t stay in the car. She clung to his arm as if he needed steadying. A deputy peeled her away. Son! he called up; I’ve got you, son! There’s nothing to be afraid of! I saw my boy lean forward trusting at the edge of the world. Nothing to be afraid of! I saw his toes creep over. I can’t believe this was the plan. The girl came back and I slapped her hard, then tore into my husband with my nails and teeth and took him down before he could kill my boy. I didn’t know they had cops on the roof and one on the fire escape. I only know my baby cried out Dad! as he tilted and spun against the sky.
Copyright © January 17, 2009 David Hodges
Boy on the Roof by davidbdale is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at davidbdale.wordpress.com.
Very Short Novels 
27 comments
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January 17, 2009 at 9:14 pm
Jill
Just wicked…
Yeah. Nobody gets off easy. Thanks, Jill.
–David
January 18, 2009 at 3:07 am
magintu
Oh my! This is powerful.
Thank you, magintu. Something about your link makes me think you’re also petesmama. I appreciate your gut reaction.
–David
January 20, 2009 at 2:04 am
petesmama
Yes, I am magintu when I am not being petesmama.
January 22, 2009 at 4:22 pm
grantman
I read an intersting book recently David, by Nick Hornby ..” A Long Way Down, ” ..it goes into why people jump and don’t jump and what effect community has on their decisions…this poor lad obviously has some parental issues and it appears the parents still have quite a few as well… I liked the flow of this piece,,you truly are the image weaver!
grantman
Thanks, grantman! I hadn’t heard of the book but I’ll add it to the big pile that keeps getting bigger. What you mention about the effect community (and by that I presume you mean the onlooker community) has on the prospective jumper is an intriguing angle I only had a few words to investigate.
–David
January 23, 2009 at 7:45 am
lucylastic
How immensely sad……….really poignant, it took 2 reads to realise the narrator was the mother, (I can be a bit slow sometimes). Haunting and very visually graphic – it’s certainly made me stop and think. I don’t read you as often as I should – it’s excellent stuff.
Thank you, lucylastic. I have missed you. I’m posting at a slower pace these days to help you keep up.
–David
January 24, 2009 at 3:51 pm
grantman
David..actually I meant the community around us that we call friends and acquaintances that unfortunately seems to be growing smaller and smaller for all of us.. As for the on-lookers..one has to wonder what part of human nature is always out there looking for a train wreck!
grantman
. . . causing a train wreck? Thanks again, Grantman.
–David
January 26, 2009 at 1:27 am
foobarph
hi david! this one got me. i’ll try to be a good “dad”. hehehe. cheers from tagalog online pocketbook writers!
Thanks foobarph. I’ve never received a group comment before. If I’m ever in need of Filipino romance, I now know where to go. Welcome to Very Short Novels.
–David
January 26, 2009 at 7:58 pm
foobarph
no problem david! i’ll be a regular visitor here from now on. ^^
January 29, 2009 at 9:35 pm
Gabriel Gadfly
Two lines really stuck out at me. “Has he been depressed? the negotiator asked me. It’s laundry day, I explained. ” and “I only know my baby cried out Dad! as he tilted and spun against the sky.” Very powerful.
It makes me wonder about the age of the child. I’d assumed we were dealing with a teenager, but maybe we aren’t. Very curious.
Thanks, Gabriel. We all have to make up our own minds about the age of the boy. As for the Mom’s comment, my very specific reason for her reply is better left a mystery, I think. But you and I will talk further about the details in email, if you like.
–David
January 30, 2009 at 8:56 pm
Teng
Hi David. I got your link from first50. I, too, am learning to write. English is not my first language and I am into my 6th decade. Never too late to start anything, I guess, as long as there is passion. Your short story was gripping, almost impossible to stop reading. Leaves a lot for the reader to speculate. I don’t understand the part about laundry day. I am not American so can’t figure out what a laundry day’s got to do with it? Was your reply to Gabriel about Mom’s comment in reference to the same thing? If it was, I thought it was a bit far fetched. Just a comment. No offense meant. Yours is a good site to learn writing fiction. I got it bookmarked.
Thanks, Teng. The sixth decade might be too late to start professional figure skating, but no, I don’t think it’s too late to learn writing, or English. You’ve clearly managed the latter very well. The mother’s comment about laundry is meant to sound incongruous of course, but not without meaning if you can figure out what bothers her most at the moment about the scene she’s witnessing. Your link doesn’t provide me a way to email you, so I’ll depend on you to reach me if you wish through the Contact Me page. I wouldn’t think of spoiling anyone else’s fun by answering direct questions here in the Comments.
–David
February 2, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Wizzer
How do you do it? So much in so little – after (how many is it now?) so many I’ve read yet I’m still amazed.
The complexity of the boy, the relationship of mum & dad, the girl (& others before) – the boy with mum, the boy with dad – the jealousy & blame.
Absolutely outstanding this one.
Thanks Wizzer. You didn’t mention the chief of police! Just kidding. I must say it was fun orchestrating a large cast in such tight quarters. Very glad you liked it.
–David
February 3, 2009 at 12:24 am
foobarph
ei david……….. look here. ^_^
http://rllqph.wordpress.com/2009/02/03/strange/
hahahaa! pretty inspiring huh? thanks to you. ^_^
Haha! So you’re writing in the 299 style now too, are you, foobarph? What an honor. This makes you the fourth writer I know of who has tried them. I hope the length will suit and motivate you.
–David
February 3, 2009 at 5:31 am
eklavumer
interesting! hi, david! may i know where i could link and learn more about your ‘299 words’ style of novel writing? i am basically a bottom-line person and i guess this style suits me fine. thanks.
Let’s see, lissa. Grantman adopted the form almost as soon as I introduced it here at Very Short Novels. His is the longest-running and most accomplished “influenced-by” collection. Others (like foobarph above) have written and posted one or two and then gone back to living their own rich, fulfilling lives. There’s certainly no “299-school” you can visit. I hope I didn’t give you the impression this quirk of mine was part of a movement. Thanks for your interest and comment.
–David
February 4, 2009 at 3:07 pm
David Raho
Wonderful stuff. Great sting in the tale ending. I liked this one a lot David. I’ve been having a break but I had better get typing again. Take care.
No more breaks for you, David. It’s been a long time since your meet-up with Will Self! Always happy to see you here, and glad you liked this one.
–David
February 5, 2009 at 9:45 pm
lissa
I like the details and the constant worrisome emotions storming out of the mother and how the boy seem unreachable, you painted a chaotic scene but full of bundles of emotions and movements.
Thank you, lissa. I see you’ve done me one better by posting something complicated and emotional in just over 100 words at justwritingwords!
–David
February 10, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Terry Heath
I had to read a couple times to understand the narrator was the mother, and I’m still not sure why “It’s laundry day” is an explanation unless he didn’t want to give up his dirty shirt. But other than that, it’s really a riveting story. I guess I read it twice because I wanted to, I wanted to understand. Really, I wanted to see some way out where the boy wouldn’t jump. But I guess it was inevitable.
Thanks, Terry. You’re not the only reader who has a problem with the laundry line. Thanks for the extra work trying to reconcile everything in your head. If you spent as much time reading them as I do writing them, you’d probably lose patience altogether. Are you sure he jumped?
–David
February 27, 2009 at 7:28 am
Tony Williams
Hi David, I got here via your comment on my blog. I enjoyed these (the few I’ve read so far), particularly this one and ‘Reasonable Suspicion. It’s a great premise for a blog. I’ll point my fiction students here – they need regular drip-feeding! Keep in touch, Tony
Thank you, Tony. I will in turn point anyone who trusts me back to your poetry site looking for the title Swimming, my currrent favorite post. So happy to see you here! Welcome to Very Short Novels.
–David
March 28, 2009 at 8:56 am
Jannie Funster
Chilling.
He didn’t want his shirt washed, threw a fit, things got out of hand. A lot of the old stuff came up and bob’s your uncle, he’s out on that ledge.
I’m not sure he jumped. Hmmn. Enigmatic. Good one!
Thanks, Jannie. That’s as reasonable an explanation as any. I’m tempted to tell you mine but not here. Anyone who’s interested enough to know can email me and I’ll be happy to spill.
–David
April 5, 2009 at 8:04 am
Stories Sundae: Micro Fiction and Very Short Novels — Terry Heath
[…] came across his “Boy on the Roof” about a month ago and like much good fiction, it stayed on my mind […]
April 5, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Ken Armstrong
Came from Terry Heath’s article today. Very impressive. 🙂
Thanks, Ken! Welcome to Very Short Novels.
–David
April 20, 2009 at 6:42 am
kwina
of my god..the novel was very touchy…well keep writing such novels…it was really awsome..
July 21, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Micro Fiction and Very Short Novels
[…] came across his “Boy on the Roof” about a month ago and like much good fiction, it stayed on my mind […]
July 26, 2009 at 11:17 pm
Micro Fiction and Very Short Novels « Wordsicle
[…] Everything you want in a novel, without one extra syllable.”I came across his “Boy on the Roof” about a month ago and like much good fiction, it stayed on my mind […]
December 12, 2009 at 9:45 am
Micro Fiction and Very Short Novels — Coffeeblogger
[…] came across his “Boy on the Roof” about a month ago and like much good fiction, it stayed on my mind […]
July 11, 2010 at 7:33 pm
>Micro Fiction and Very Short Novels | Terry Heath
[…] came across his “Boy on the Roof” about a month ago and like much good fiction, it stayed on my mind […]
May 12, 2012 at 1:38 am
Ramashree
nice story…….
January 6, 2023 at 4:45 pm
Anonymous
It’s a good and interesting novel